I have been waiting for a Batman Superman movie since 2007. Why 2007? Because that was when I Am Legend came out. In I Am Legend There was a giant marquee that showed both the Batman symbol and the Superman crest. The date under it said 2012. I was beyond excited. It was one of the best things about I Am Legend. When I came back to work from the weekend, I put a reminder in Outlook for the first Friday in May. I was convinced that this was a brilliant way to tease a movie. Convinced, I tell you!
Well the 2012 blockbuster season came and went with no Bats vs Supes movie. I was sad. Even more sad because in the interim we got, ugh, Superman Returns. This season we got The Man of Steel. Still not the movie I wanted. But! There was a ray of hope! The movie got announced at Comic Con! OH HAPPY DAY! Granted it wasn’t coming out until 2015, but that’s okay! I was finally getting my movie! The current Superman (holy shit that dude is RIPPED) would be cast (awesome) but who would be Batman? Christian Bale was done. He did his 3 pictures and is out. Who would take his place? We all wondered, we all gave our opinions on who should be next.
Then, the rumor came: Christian Bale was offered $50 million to come back. Wheee! Batman for this movie was supposed to be an older grizzled “I’m about to kill a motherfucker” Batman. Bale can be crotchety enough to pull this off. Fucking. Sweet. Oh, it was a just a bad rumor. Well, okay. I guess they can find someone closer.
Then the official news came out.
Ben Affleck.
Ben. Affleck.
Motherfucking Ben Son of a Bitch Affleck.
Who. In the Fuck. Thought. Affleck. Is an. Acceptable. Batman?
Who?
Is this the face of Batman?? HELL FUCK NO!
Look at him! Look at the smug, Clooney-faced bastard!
How, Hollywood? How could you do this to me? I’ve been waiting for this movie since 2007. This was supposed to be so fucking awesome. And you do this to me.
This has got to be some sort of elaborate troll. You can’t really believe this is a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, Affleck is pretty good. Argo was phenomenal. He’s paid his dues (Gigli), he’s done good work (Argo), but BATMAN?!?!? Holy shitballs no.
You just broke my superhero-loving heart.
Thanks a lot, Hollywood.