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I was watching Sense and Sensibility (don’t judge!) last night. I don’t usually care for Jane Austen-y movies, but I find myself turning to it almost whenever it’s on. Why? Alan Rickman. The man is British, sultry, sex on two legs. I don’t know why I find him fascinating. Oh yes I do. It’s because he almost always plays an asshole. No really. Galaxy Quest? Dick. Dick due to circumstances but a dick nonetheless. Dogma? Metatron was an asshole. Even the Blue Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland was a jerk! The Harry Potter movies? Dude plays a guy named Snivelus Snape, come on! This is Bobby Flay level of dicketry. That “I am hot shit in a champagne glass and you’re just in my way” air about him.
And it’s dead sexy.
Aelerelean and I were talking (okay he was trying to sleep and I was interrupting him) about why it is that Alan Rickman comes across this way. I mean, he wasn’t really and asshole in Bottle Shock. And even says so:
Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman): Why don’t I like you?
Steven Spurrier (Alan Rickman): Because you think I’m an arsehole. And I’m not, really. I’m just British and, well… you’re not.
That sums it up right there: he’s British and I’m not. But it’s not only that. There’s a certain quality to his voice, the way he delivers his lines. As Snape, you can hear “I could crush you and not even remember it 5 minutes later, I am that good and possibly that evil” in his voice. That cold, emotionless look just made him perfect for that role. Aelerelean actually came up with a couple of other actors who probably could have done it because they have that same quality when they play villains. Kevin Spacey and John Malkovich. Think about it. All three of these guys have that quality. They could exude that pure evilness. Go watch Superman Returns. Kevin Spacey *IS* Lex Luthor. He’s a genius surrounded by morons and it frustrates him. John Malkovich is more of a sleeping evil, the serial killer, the perfect “he was a quiet man, always polite when we saw him” and then kills 80 people over 30 years. This would have worked well for Professor Snape as well. I saw on imdb.com that Tim Roth backed out of the part. I cannot even imagine Tim Roth as Snape. He can do condescending (Lie To Me) but it would lack the subtlety that Rickman provides. It would have totally changed the movie.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Rickman was PERFECT in his role (okay, roles). In fact, the only reason why we were coming up with alternatives was because I said “is there anyone else who could have played that part? I don’t think so.”
To recap: Alan Rickman is 15 kinds of sexy, even (maybe especially?) when he’s playing jackass supreme.
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Another football season is upon us. Saturday is the Hall of Fame ceremonies and Sunday is the hall of fame game. This year? Cowboys vs. Bengals. Neat! Wait, why neat? Welp, let’s see. America’s favorite showboater Terrell Owens has signed a contract with the Bengals. And already the drama has begun. He missed his overnight flight. The Bengals were all set to have press conferences, training, etc that day. *sigh* Okay, anybody can miss a flight. I shouldn’t be so hard on him. I want to see him do well and not cause OMG DRAMA all over the place. Oh and he paid Antonio Bryant an undisclosed amount of money to surrender his number (81). The money will go to charity so that’s cool.
So, uh, you got your popcorn rdy?
God. That was lame as fuck.
Dear Syphilis Network,
First, yes I know it’s SyFy now. It sounds like a disease. Like Syphilis. So that is what I’m calling you.
Second. WHAT THE FUCK? No. What the fuck. First you put wrestling on my SciFi. Then it’s the horrible HORRIBLE Saturday monster marathon shit movies. Now this? Link Really? This is your new show line up? Goddamn.
BALL & CHAIN
After months of emotional tumult, Edgar and Mallory call their relationship quits. As they say their final goodbyes, the ex-lovers are nearly hit by a meteorite that, it turns out, imbues them with extraordinary powers. Unfortunately, the powers only work when they are in close proximity to each other. Though the last thing they want to do is stay together, they’ll need to try if they hope to overcome the newly arrived other-worldly forces that threaten to destroy them and anyone else who gets in the way.
ME AND LEE
In this 1/2-hour single-camera series, a down-on-his-luck 20-something undergoes back surgery, only to find that the procedure did not go well. Enter Lee Majors, who claims he has the perfect solution. He entices the young man into his ultra high-tech lab and makes him bionic. Now intrinsically bound together, Majors tries helping his new partner get his life back on track.
ORION
National Treasure meets Firefly in this swashbuckling space opera about an adventurous female relic hunter and her team as they hunt down — and sometimes steal — valuable and powerful objects to sell on the black market, all while staying one step ahead of the bounty hunters hot on their heels.
SHERWOOD
In this “Robin Hood” story for the 23rd century, a young man of privilege teams up with a misfit spaceship crew to right the wrongs of his family.
LEGENDARY
A 1/2-hour single-camera series in which Kevin Sorbo plays an exaggerated version of himself… a former syndicated television series star. When a fan approaches Sorbo to enlist his skills in combating the underworld mythological creatures that threaten to destroy Los Angeles, an unlikely partnership is formed. Together, they use their intimate knowledge of the myths of Hercules to defeat a myriad of beasts.
HUMAN RELATIONS
The Office meets Men in Black in this project featuring an office Temp who slowly discovers that his off-kilter and odd-ball bosses at the strange hi-tech “ad agency” where he works are really aliens working on a plan to destroy the Earth.
ZEROS
In this 1/2-hour single-camera satire, when the zombie population of Marshall City overcomes the 30-foot barrier separating the infected people from the rest of the city, the Zombie Extermination and Removal Operations company (the Zeros) are called in to keep the peace. When they can get out of their own way long enough to focus on a case, they are pretty effective with very unorthodox methods.
Jesus. Christ. Fucking hell, you guys suck at this. What happened? Eureka, Brilliant! Warehouse 13, Awesome! Stargate SG-1, SGA, SGU, Cool! BSG the first two season, perfect. Then…Ball and Chain? Me and Lee? Seriously? You have a plethora of programming to choose from. Just…just air Eureka, Warehouse 13, all the Stargate shows, and Star Trek: TNG over and over. Because it seems that your new show ideas well has run dry.
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