Dear nerds, geeks, dweebs, etc,
Let me start out by saying: I do not give two tugs of a fetid dingo’s kidney about The new Star Wars movie.
Y’all done? Y’all done howling for my blood?
Lemme explain.
I saw the original trilogy. I saw the re-released original trilogy. I was old enough to live through the original trilogy. I saw parts of the first two of the new set and all of Revenge of the Sith. I know Han shot first. I am appalled at the remastered, re-kigiggered fucked up CGI versions of the original trilogy. Blah,blah, blah. Over the years (decades), I came to a realization. I am not ‘Wars.
I am Trek.
Y’all done?
I am firmly Star Trek. I can’t even tell you why. It came as a blow to Aelerelean when I told him the news. I am sure if we had discussed this early on in our relationship, it would not have lasted these 13 years. But now that my secret (my shame?) is out in the open, it is too late to turn back. He must grudgingly accept that I am not absolutely losing my shit over The Force Awakens.
In fact, I am so not losing my shit that I actually dreaded the new trilogy. Why? Leave. Shit. Alone. Harrison Ford is SEVENTY THREE MOTHERFUCKING YEARS OLD. Now, I love me some Harrison Ford. But shit, guys, he’s had a full career. He’s not (just) Han to me. He’s just Harrison Fucking Ford. It’s great that he wanted to come back. That’s awesome. BUT HE’S 73!!!!! He will be Han Solo, a SEVENTY-THREE YEAR OLD MANCHILD.
Do you want to remember Han like this:
Or like this?
Okay, wait. Bad example. Because, um, 73 year old Han is pretty fucking hot.
Anyway, I’m not losing my shit over this movie because it’s Star Wars. That said, I saw the new trailer, and it looks fantastic. It looks like it’s gonna be a great movie. I’m looking forward to seeing (eventually) a great movie, not seeing “ZOMG STAR WARS”.
Okay?
Okay.