I am Sam

I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like that Sam-I-am

Do you like squats for your hams?

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
I do not like squats for my hams.

Would you like them with a bar or thin air?

I would not like them with a bar or thin air.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like squats for my hams.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am

Would you like them in a cage?
Would you like them with help from a web page?

I do not like them in a cage.
I do not like them from a web page.
I do not like them with a bar or thin air.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like squats for my hams.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you do them with a box?
Would you do them with a padded fox?

Not with a box.
Not with a padded fox.
Not in a cage.
Nor with help from a web page.
I would not do them with a bar or thin air.
I would not do them anywhere.
I would not do these goddamn squats for my hams.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Do them! Ass to grass!
Here they are!

I would not, could not, in a car!

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree?

I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be!

I do not like them with a box.
I do not like them with a padded fox.
I do not like them in a cage.
I do mot like them with help from a web page.
I do not like them with a bar or thin air.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like goddamn squats for my hams!
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, with a box.
I could not, would not, with a padded fox.
I will not do them in a cage.
I will not do them with help from a web page.
I will not do them with a bar or thin air.
I will not do them anywhere.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Sam, you see.
Not in a cage. Not with a box.
Not with help from a web page. Not with a padded fox.
I will not do them with a bar or thin air.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like squats for your hams?

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Could you, would you, with a goat?

I would not, could not with a goat!

Would you, could you, on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not do them in the rain.
I will not do them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them with a box.
I do not like them with a padded fox.
I will not do them in a cage.
I do not like them with help from a web page.
I do not like them with a bar or thin air.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like goddamn squats for my hams!

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them again.
You will see.

HOLY FUCK! MY KNEES!
I’ve blown out my knees!
I did, I did you see!

Fuck you and your boat.
Fuck you and your goat.
Fuck you and your rain.
Fuck you and your train.
And your car. And your tree.
They have completely blown my knees, you see!

So up your ass with your box.
And up your ass with your padded fox.
And sideways up your ass in a cage.
And doubly so with help from a web page.
And I will whimper here and there.
I will whimper EVERYWHERE!

I do so hate
goddamn squats for my hams
Die in a fire, Sam-I-Am.

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