Dear NFL Network,

I very much dislike non Thanksgiving Thursday games. Your announcers are just horrible and frankly I’m not ready for more football by Thursday.

 

Dear Mark Sanchez and the New York Jets,

I was at a happy hour last night. I made it home in time to watch most of the game. I believe there was 3:45 left in the first quarter when I finally settled down in front of the tv. I was sleepy, because Gloria’s makes some damn strong margaritas. I curled up on the couch and heard “Nick Folk who missed a field goal earlier in the game…” I said “goddammit Nick!” and fell asleep. When I awoke, you were losing. To the goddamn Broncos. With 34 seconds left. I said “Fucking Jets.” and I watched as you, Mark, threw two passes for fuck all. I swore yet again “Jesus Christ, fuck both Tebow and Sanchez.” and went to bed. Had I stayed awake and watched the whole game, there would have been much more swearing but the same outcome. It’s good to know I can watch about 40 seconds of your game and still not have really missed anything.

 

Dear Tim “The Toolman” Tebow,

How are you the worst QB to be 4-1? I don’t understand at all. You’re not very good. Really. But you’re 4-1. I will not fall to my knees and worship at your football playing altar. You are quite possibly the worst thing to happen to sportscasters since Brett Favre. And I don’t quite know how to feel about that sudden prayer circle that happened after the game. That was…special. I’m not giving you shit about it, just saying it was….special.

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