Dear Steelers,

Well. You did it. I guess. What the fuck is wrong with Reed? Dixon looks great, I hope he gets to play more than 4 games.

Dear Terry Bradshaw,

I think I love you. I watch the Fox pregame show every week and your Fired Up rant was right up my alley. Ben is a disgrace to all QBs and no longer deserves to be a Steeler. I, too, was pissed when his suspension was cut to 4 games. When Ward and Miller were named captains of the team, my heart soared. When Tomlin insinuated that Ben may be out more than 4 games, I damn near did a dance of joy. Fuck Ben and the horse he rode in on. As a fan, I would happily take a season or two of lower performance, or hell, a Lions season (yeah, 0-16) if it meant that the Rooneys were showing that they mean business and shit stunts like Ben and Holmes pulled would no longer be tolerated.

Dear Cowboys,

There are people out there that don’t want good for you. They would be, in no particular order: the Steelers, the Eagles, the Redskins, the Vikings, etc. That’s fine. They shouldn’t want good for you guys. But you know who shouldn’t want you to suck? YOUR OWN GODDAMN TEAMMATES. If you don’t cut that fucker Alex Barron, or at least give him a soap in a pillowcase beating then you will fail. BARRON DOES NOT WANT GOOD FOR YOU. I know that I publicly swore my allegiance to the Steelers as my #1 team and you were relegated to #2, but fucking hell, I hate to see shit like that happen. Fix it now, and fix it permanently.

Dear Buehler,

Don’t suck. I will kick you off my fantasy league and pick up Folk in a heartbeat if you don’t stop fucking around. I want to like you, don’t make this hard.

Dear Alex Barron,

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU LONG. FUCK YOU HARD. I HOPE A MONKEY PISSES IN YOUR EAR AND CATS FUCK ON YOUR BACK. Three motherfucking seconds left in the goddamn game and Romo throws a fucking perfect pass to tie that goddamn game AND YOUR FUCKING DUMBASS FUCKS IT UP WITH A HOLDING CALL. You DICK! #1 penalty maker? Damn straight. I thought Flozell was bad. Oh hell no. Flozell (second in the league in penalties. SECOND. To YOU) was working up to be you. Goddamn I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.

And it’s only week 1. Son of a bitch.

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