I was watching Sense and Sensibility (don’t judge!) last night. I don’t usually care for Jane Austen-y movies, but I find myself turning to it almost whenever it’s on. Why? Alan Rickman. The man is British, sultry, sex on two legs. I don’t know why I find him fascinating. Oh yes I do. It’s because he almost always plays an asshole. No really. Galaxy Quest? Dick. Dick due to circumstances but a dick nonetheless. Dogma? Metatron was an asshole. Even the Blue Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland was a jerk! The Harry Potter movies? Dude plays a guy named Snivelus Snape, come on! This is Bobby Flay level of dicketry. That “I am hot shit in a champagne glass and you’re just in my way” air about him.

And it’s dead sexy.

Aelerelean and I were talking (okay he was trying to sleep and I was interrupting him) about why it is that Alan Rickman comes across this way. I mean, he wasn’t really and asshole in Bottle Shock. And even says so:

Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman): Why don’t I like you?
Steven Spurrier (Alan Rickman): Because you think I’m an arsehole. And I’m not, really. I’m just British and, well… you’re not.

That sums it up right there: he’s British and I’m not. But it’s not only that. There’s a certain quality to his voice, the way he delivers his lines. As Snape, you can hear “I could crush you and not even remember it 5 minutes later, I am that good and possibly that evil” in his voice. That cold, emotionless look just made him perfect for that role. Aelerelean actually came up with a couple of other actors who probably could have done it because they have that same quality when they play villains. Kevin Spacey and John Malkovich. Think about it. All three of these guys have that quality. They could exude that pure evilness. Go watch Superman Returns. Kevin Spacey *IS* Lex Luthor. He’s a genius surrounded by morons and it frustrates him. John Malkovich is more of a sleeping evil, the serial killer, the perfect “he was a quiet man, always polite when we saw him” and then kills 80 people over 30 years. This would have worked well for Professor Snape as well. I saw on imdb.com that Tim Roth backed out of the part. I cannot even imagine Tim Roth as Snape. He can do condescending (Lie To Me) but it would lack the subtlety that Rickman provides. It would have totally changed the movie.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Rickman was PERFECT in his role (okay, roles). In fact, the only reason why we were coming up with alternatives was because I said “is there anyone else who could have played that part? I don’t think so.”

To recap: Alan Rickman is 15 kinds of sexy, even (maybe especially?) when he’s playing jackass supreme.

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