Category: entertainment


These Are My Confessions (53rd Grammy Edition)…

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on These Are My Confessions (53rd Grammy Edition)…
February 14, 2011

I watched part of the Grammys last night. I used to watch it every year because, hell, they were awesome! Now? I watch to say “holy shit I recognized 5 names out of that list of 50.” But that’s fine. The one artist I like was there and did an outstanding performance: Eminem.

  • That’s right, I like Eminem. I enjoy his music. Seriously! It’s great for working out (HAHAHAHAHAHAIhaven’tbeentothegyminmonths) and when I need to be engrossed in my work. I have never liked rap. I grew up in the birth of rap and the serious development of hip hop but didn’t not get rap. At all. Okay, Big Daddy Kane and Curtis Blow, sure. That’s more Hip Hop anyway. But the hardcore rap that emerged that all my friends were into? I didn’t relate to any of it. And really, they didn’t either (seriously, I did not know a single kid who grew up in the ghetto. shitty side of town but not the seriously shitty part). But I just didn’t like it. 2 Live Crew was all about nasty sex so yeah, as school kids that shit was the best evar! Then Eminem hit. I bought the Marshall Mathers LP…and it scared me. Really. I was deeply disturbed by “Kim”. I don’t think I had heard anyone so angry and bitter. Then after a while, I heard one of his radio songs and liked it. It was funny and there was something about his “flow“. It wasn’t just talking at that same steady slow beat that every other rapper used at the time (I’m hearing Li’l Wayne doing it to, but it’s not the same. it sounds forced). He uses syncopated rhythms, triplets, all kinds of nerdy music shit. And I love the fuck out of it. I get a tingle when I hear him do a long string of shit like that. Maybe because it takes talent and I can respect (real) talent. I dunno. But I like it. So I was a little crushed that he didn’t win Best Album. But on the flip side, I realize that I don’t give a fuck about how many awards an artist wins. If this is an artist I like and have liked in the past, I’m buying (Holy shit, yes. BUY. The PHYSICAL DISC no less) whatever they come out with until they get shitty of course.
  • I am annoyed that I missed Lady Gaga’s performance. As much shit as people sling at her, I am strangely attracted to Poker Face,  Fernando, Telephone and her Christmas song that I can’t remember the name of. From pictures, it looks like she’s the next incarnation of Madonna, particularly her Vogue phase. And she came out of an egg. An. Egg.

Are there really people out there that believe Justin fucking Bieber should have won Best New Artist? Really? Let it the fuck go, people. Ugh.

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In Praise of Alan Rickman

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on In Praise of Alan Rickman
August 6, 2010

I was watching Sense and Sensibility (don’t judge!) last night. I don’t usually care for Jane Austen-y movies, but I find myself turning to it almost whenever it’s on. Why? Alan Rickman. The man is British, sultry, sex on two legs. I don’t know why I find him fascinating. Oh yes I do. It’s because he almost always plays an asshole. No really. Galaxy Quest? Dick. Dick due to circumstances but a dick nonetheless. Dogma? Metatron was an asshole. Even the Blue Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland was a jerk! The Harry Potter movies? Dude plays a guy named Snivelus Snape, come on! This is Bobby Flay level of dicketry. That “I am hot shit in a champagne glass and you’re just in my way” air about him.

And it’s dead sexy.

Aelerelean and I were talking (okay he was trying to sleep and I was interrupting him) about why it is that Alan Rickman comes across this way. I mean, he wasn’t really and asshole in Bottle Shock. And even says so:

Jim Barrett (Bill Pullman): Why don’t I like you?
Steven Spurrier (Alan Rickman): Because you think I’m an arsehole. And I’m not, really. I’m just British and, well… you’re not.

That sums it up right there: he’s British and I’m not. But it’s not only that. There’s a certain quality to his voice, the way he delivers his lines. As Snape, you can hear “I could crush you and not even remember it 5 minutes later, I am that good and possibly that evil” in his voice. That cold, emotionless look just made him perfect for that role. Aelerelean actually came up with a couple of other actors who probably could have done it because they have that same quality when they play villains. Kevin Spacey and John Malkovich. Think about it. All three of these guys have that quality. They could exude that pure evilness. Go watch Superman Returns. Kevin Spacey *IS* Lex Luthor. He’s a genius surrounded by morons and it frustrates him. John Malkovich is more of a sleeping evil, the serial killer, the perfect “he was a quiet man, always polite when we saw him” and then kills 80 people over 30 years. This would have worked well for Professor Snape as well. I saw on imdb.com that Tim Roth backed out of the part. I cannot even imagine Tim Roth as Snape. He can do condescending (Lie To Me) but it would lack the subtlety that Rickman provides. It would have totally changed the movie.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Rickman was PERFECT in his role (okay, roles). In fact, the only reason why we were coming up with alternatives was because I said “is there anyone else who could have played that part? I don’t think so.”

To recap: Alan Rickman is 15 kinds of sexy, even (maybe especially?) when he’s playing jackass supreme.

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Dear SyFy

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on Dear SyFy
August 2, 2010

Dear Syphilis Network,

First, yes I know it’s SyFy now. It sounds like a disease. Like Syphilis. So that is what I’m calling you.

Second. WHAT THE FUCK? No. What the fuck. First you put wrestling on my SciFi. Then it’s the horrible HORRIBLE Saturday monster marathon shit movies. Now this? Link Really? This is your new show line up? Goddamn.

BALL & CHAIN

After months of emotional tumult, Edgar and Mallory call their relationship quits. As they say their final goodbyes, the ex-lovers are nearly hit by a meteorite that, it turns out, imbues them with extraordinary powers. Unfortunately, the powers only work when they are in close proximity to each other. Though the last thing they want to do is stay together, they’ll need to try if they hope to overcome the newly arrived other-worldly forces that threaten to destroy them and anyone else who gets in the way.

ME AND LEE

In this 1/2-hour single-camera series, a down-on-his-luck 20-something undergoes back surgery, only to find that the procedure did not go well. Enter Lee Majors, who claims he has the perfect solution. He entices the young man into his ultra high-tech lab and makes him bionic. Now intrinsically bound together, Majors tries helping his new partner get his life back on track.

ORION

National Treasure meets Firefly in this swashbuckling space opera about an adventurous female relic hunter and her team as they hunt down — and sometimes steal — valuable and powerful objects to sell on the black market, all while staying one step ahead of the bounty hunters hot on their heels.

SHERWOOD

In this “Robin Hood” story for the 23rd century, a young man of privilege teams up with a misfit spaceship crew to right the wrongs of his family.

LEGENDARY

A 1/2-hour single-camera series in which Kevin Sorbo plays an exaggerated version of himself… a former syndicated television series star. When a fan approaches Sorbo to enlist his skills in combating the underworld mythological creatures that threaten to destroy Los Angeles, an unlikely partnership is formed. Together, they use their intimate knowledge of the myths of Hercules to defeat a myriad of beasts.

HUMAN RELATIONS

The Office meets Men in Black in this project featuring an office Temp who slowly discovers that his off-kilter and odd-ball bosses at the strange hi-tech “ad agency” where he works are really aliens working on a plan to destroy the Earth.

ZEROS

In this 1/2-hour single-camera satire, when the zombie population of Marshall City overcomes the 30-foot barrier separating the infected people from the rest of the city, the Zombie Extermination and Removal Operations company (the Zeros) are called in to keep the peace. When they can get out of their own way long enough to focus on a case, they are pretty effective with very unorthodox methods.

Jesus. Christ.  Fucking hell, you guys suck at this. What happened? Eureka, Brilliant! Warehouse 13, Awesome! Stargate SG-1, SGA, SGU, Cool! BSG the first two season, perfect. Then…Ball and Chain? Me and Lee? Seriously? You have a plethora of programming to choose from. Just…just  air Eureka, Warehouse 13, all the Stargate shows, and Star Trek: TNG over and over. Because it seems that your new show ideas well has run dry.

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So Many Choices

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on So Many Choices
February 9, 2010

SURVEY

I called AT&T to “unbundle” my Dish Network account from my phone (oh lord, she still uses a landline???). Pro tip: don’t call anywhere close to 5pm. They will bounce your ass around until the “right” office is closed. No shit. AT&T, fix this.

Anyway, when I finally got the right people (the actual phone company people, oddly enough),the tech started to push U-Verse TV. she wasn’t horribly pushy, but she seemed really keen to get me to sign up. The reason why I don’t have U-verse TV now is that I was concerned about the whole home DVR. See, that’s awesome. DVR show sharing between rooms? Hells to the yeah! But that’s all it did. If you were in a room without the DVR, you had no standard dvr features. Need to pee? Can’t pause live tv. Cat jumped on your face and you missed a classic Walter Bishop line? No rewind for you my friend. That right there stopped me dead. I explained this to the girl and she said that an update was coming soon. Like by the end of March. Every receiver would be a proper dvr. Oh lordy, lordy, why did she have to say that. I am happy with Dish. I have grown to love my DVRs and external harddrives. But…but U-verse. It’s new. It’s shiny. I must haves it. So, I hacked up a quick and dirty survey over at survey monkey (thanks, Prof. Ngu!). Would you guys please take a few moments to answer it? I have NO ties to any of the companies, I don’t ask for any real identifying information, and sure I can get this info on forums, but this is my big chance to make a survey! (i get a little too excited about stuff on the ‘net)

So, if you have some time, take my survey. For the love of God, be as honest as you dare. You will not be hurting my feelings if you claim that Dish Network raped your dog and pissed on your roses.

SURVEY

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iTunes: A Cry For Help

Filed Under: consumer, entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on iTunes: A Cry For Help
October 13, 2009

I clung desperately to my minidisc player. I loved it. It worked. It was fine. Even as mp3’s appeared and replicated all over the place, I held fast to my MDs. I broke down, finally, and got a proper mp3 player. No extra software. I plug it in, drag my folders over, perfect. It plays what I tell it to, is even smart enough to keep stepping through folders if I don’t tell it not to. It’s. WONDERFUL. So why am I now bitching about iTunes? I got given an iPhone. Nothing spiffy, just the 2G. I never wanted an iPhone, or even an iPod for that matter. I would hear things about iTunes doing this, deleting that, etc and just wanted no part of it. So I never paid any attention to it. But, hey, you get gifted a piece of perfectly functional, not ancient tech, you don’t turn that down.

So here I am with an Apple product, a very popular Apple product, and very little idea of how to make it do what I want it to do. What am I trying to get it to do? Play my music in a normal, straightforward way. That’s all I ask. But no, I can’t. I can sort my music by all sorts of ways, but each one lacks…something. For instance, I have tracks that don’t have ID3 tags. Sorry, it happens. It’s nice that iTunes still shows me these “lower class” tracks, but if I try to transfer it to the podphone, I can’t find it. Because it wants to be helpful and categorize it somewhere, but it can’t because there’s no tag. Easy enough fix: tag it. Fine. Here’s  more exasperating issue. On my machine, my music is organized into folders in which each folder is an album. Make sense? Okay. I want to transfer an Eminem album (don’t judge me). I sort my library by artist, select the album I want, then drop it to the podphone. Perfect? No. Because sorting by artist doesn’t pick up the three or so tracks from the album where it’s “Eminem feat. Obie Trice”. Oh no. That track is 37 tracks down. Okay, group by album. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Compilation albums fuck that right up (assuming because the tagging is weird). I’ll see the same track 3 or more times in a row all pointing to the same album because a tag got fucked up somewhere. Grrr. Why can’t I have my folders? Why is that so hard to understand. I don’t want iTunes to “manage” my media. I use it because that’s the only free thing I found that will sync the podphone. The Winamp plug-in fails miserably for me. I just want to know why there isn’t some extra little option, like an advanced button, that will just let me drag and drop shit the way I want it. “Just make a playlist! Folders are so 90’s!” I’ve already made my “playlist.” It’s the goddamn folder. JUST PLAY ALL THE TRACKS IN THE FOLDER AND GO TO THE NEXT FOLDER IF I DON’T STOP YOU. How hard is that???

I guess I don’t quite have the hang of this piece of software that 80 year old grandparents who can’t work a simple remote control have absolutely no problem using.

Do any of you have any good free iTunes alternatives that will work well with a damn iPhone?

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Shallow, inconsequential first world problems

Filed Under: consumer, entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on Shallow, inconsequential first world problems
September 28, 2009

I got home Friday evening to find @aelerelean napping on the couch, the TV off, the fan and A/C running. But lo, what was that other noise I hear? The sound of computer fans spinning like they were trying to get airborne. The hell? I looked around. It wasn’t the ceiling fan, @aelerelean didn’t have the box fan on, the PS3 wasn’t on (I can’t hear it anyway). So what the hell was it? That’s when I turned to the shelves below the TV. There were some lights missing. Namely, the Dish receiver. No lights, but the fan spinning for all it’s worth. Fuck. Just a week prior the receiver failed to see satellites and I was sent a refurb. This one just stopped booting. So, on the phone I get to Dish. I was pissed (because, hey, I had this thing a week).

“Thank you for calling Dish Network AT&T[don’t ask] how may I help you?”
“The receiver I got last week now doesn’t work.” I was nice. I was calm. I wanted my TV. Dollhouse premier starts in 45 minutes.
“Well, all right, what are you seeing?”
“Nothing. It’s black. The fans are on, and the green light randomly shines.”
“Oh, um, wow. Let’s get that fixed.” I’m sure she was expecting “I got’s an error thingy” or “Mah power dun went off and now I cain’t gets mah judge judy!” She verified some information and “sent a signal.” As soon as she did, THE GODDAMN THING WORKED!
“Holy crap! I guess I just needed to call you! I have a picture!” For all of 2 minutes. Then it died again.
“Okay, this is a harddrive issue. I will overnight you a new one. And for your trouble since you just had an issue a week ago, i will issue a $50 statement credit.” W00t! Remember, kids, being nice and calm gets you stuff.  I took down the RMA number and we completed the call.

What I learned/kinda already knew:

  1. Overnight is only overnight if it is before Friday. Quite possibly before Thursday noon. I knew this. Overnight Friday 6:45pm gets you sometime Monday. Even if it is FedEx.
  2. Dish Network support does not suck. At all. I don’t know if it has anything to do with me still being linked to AT&T or not. All signs point to no. Dish is Dish is Dish. My account number probably says “hey, AT&T customer. Say this greeting.” Nothing more.
  3. I am lost if I can’t have the TV on in the living room. Really. It’s stupid. I have a perfectly good tv and receiver in the bedroom. But I don’t want to be in the bedroom. I want to be in the living room. Stupid, I know.
  4. PS3 Media Server is 15 kinds of awesome.

So yes, woe is me, I can’t watch TV in the living room. I had to hook up the antenna to watch the Steelers get their goddamn asses kicked (what the fuck, guys? Really? What the fuck??). Whatever will I do? *eyeroll*

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Chicks Dig (Super)Assholes

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on Chicks Dig (Super)Assholes
May 4, 2009

No really. Chicks really do dig assholes. I came to this realization last night while watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine. For most of the movie, I just liked Wolverine. He’s always been my favorite X-Men character and the fact that it’s Hugh Jackman just makes it that much better. Then he started tearin’ shit up. And I liked him a little more. Then he was “poor, sad, Logan/Jimmy who got fucked by The Man.” and it was back to just like. Sabertooth, on the other hand, was hot as fuck. The more he tore it up, the bigger dick he was being to everybody, the hotter he got. I mean, goddamn! I’ve never looked at Liev Schreiber like that. Never. Whoooooo!

Then I thought deeper about it. Superman vs Batman? Batman. Moody Dark Knight graphic novel Batman (everyone sucks, I’m gonna start just killing these fucks) Superman is too much of a pussy. Spiderman just pisses me off. Rorshach, The Comedian, and Ozmandias (just barely) over Night Owl and Smurf Dick Dr. Manhattan. First half of the movie Hancock over whatever the rest of that movie was. Drunk as fuck Iron Man (thanks Twisted Toyfare) over his really bad Superfiends-like cartoon.

And villians. Wow. The more cracked-out they are, the better I seem to dig ’em. The Joker. Hands down the best goddamn villain ever. EVER. Why? Fucker is crazy! Always has, always will be. I’m not just talking about Heath Ledger’s performance, holy god no. Joker has been shithouse crazy since the beginning. Cesar Romero’s version was definitely of a cracked-up human being. He did silly shit, but that was fine. He did it with the flair of a screwed up mind. Jack Nicholson brought out the dark humor. He was a man driven insane and pissed because he wasn’t getting enough attention.  Heath Ledger’s was of a man born insane and was perfectly happy to stay there. Mark Hamil in the Batman Animated Series was a happy medium between the two.

Whew.

You get the point.

So, yeah. Chicks dig assholes. At least on the big screen.

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My U-Verse Adventure

Filed Under: consumer, entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on My U-Verse Adventure
March 19, 2009

Ever since at&t announced that they were rolling out their version of fiber (VDSL?), I anxiosly awaited any news about price, availability, etc. I got excited when it beta’d in San Antonio. I said then and there that I would ditch Time Warner and go straight to at&t. Months passed. I bought a house, got Time Warner and at&t dsl. I bitched about TW and finally switched to Dish, still saying that as soon as this new at&t service rolled out, I’d hop on. Whoo Boy. More time passed. I upgraded my dish stuff. I grew to love it’s dvr (sorry, ReplayTV. You rocked out with your cock out, but now it’s time to go) and plethora of programming. Finally U-Verse was announced! Yay! Then “whole home dvr!” AWESOME Oh wait. It’s not really whole house dvr. It’s more like a NAS (network addressed storage). I can record with the ONE dvr and playback on other set top boxes. But I can’t pause/rewind live tv on the non-dvr boxes. Hrm. Total deal killer. Oh well. I can still get the faster internet speeds right? No. All or nothing. ARGH! That pissed me off. I would check the website repeatedly to see if I could order it seperately. I had money, I wanted to give it to you at&t. But no. More time passed and finally someone told me you can pick and choose what you want. SWEET! I placed my order for internet only U-verse on March 10th, to be installed on Martch 18th (due to high demand in my area). I knew I could get it because a) the website told me I could b) at&t dug up the end of my street and did….stuff…to the big box months ago. Now, as we all know, that don’t mean shit. They called to confirm no less than three times, sent a postcard, a letter and two emails. By God, something was happening on the 18th. Whether it meant I was getting hooked up or the tech would show and say “whoopsie! too far from the fiber drop!” I would not know until the 18th. Between 12 and 2. For a 4-6 hour install. Blargh.

I leave work around noon. Thinking, if they call while I’m on my way home, no biggie. They usually call 30 minutes beforehand. I get home, have lunch and wait. And wait. And wait. 2:30pm I get a call from the installer. “Be there in 30 minutes.” Okay. At 2:45 he rings the doorbell. We discuss where I wanted the drop (where the old drop was) and he headed out to the big box at the end of the street. He comes back about 30 minutes later and futzes around with the box on the side of the house. That’s another 45 or so minutes. Damn, they weren’t kidding about the install times. The guy at least looked like he knew what was going on. Then he comes inside and does…stuff…to the jack and sets up the biggest goddamn consumer modem I’ve ever seen. I’ll take pictures for comparison later. He verifies that I can get connected and register and all that. He hands me a packet with information that is about 90% tv stuff. Not his fault. He also tells me he filed a trouble ticket to get my outside lines reinstalled/fixed since they were old and it would probably stop me from getting a full 18 down I ordered (he has never seen anyone get a full 18 down). It is now 5pm. He leaves and I go about adjusting my network to my needs. I run a speed test. 17.5 down, almost a full 2 up. Fuck. Yes. So. Internet only installs, no extra jacks, no weirdness, with a guy who seems to know what’s up: about 2 hours. And yes, you can use your own router behind the gateway.

Thank you, at&t for letting me give you money for what I want and not have to play the “I want it all–oops, cancel TV and leave internet, k thx” game.

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Bad Hollywood, just….

Filed Under: entertainment by topenga — Comments Off on Bad Hollywood, just….
March 4, 2009

Dear Hollywood,

Stop making movies out of Stephen King’s work. Just stop. You are simply no good at it.
Carrie was 15 kinds of awesome. Creepshow was perfect. Cujo made me fear any dog bigger
than a Pomeranian (and Superman Returns cemented my complete distrust of Pomeranians).
Kubrick’s adaptation of The Shining was brilliant. But that’s it. Four good movies. No,
I mean really good. The Stand. What can I say about The Stand. For a made-for-tv
miniseries, it was decent. But…it was made for tv.

So, why the sudden, out of the blue rant against Hollywood? I caught an episode of The
Twilight Zone (late 80’s early 90’s?). The episode was “Gramma”. Ahhhh. “Gramma” is one
of my favorite shorts from The Skeleton Crew anthology. I eagerly watched as the kid
who played Bastian from Neverending Story played the hapless George stuck at home with
his sick grandmother. I watched with increasing giddyness as the climax of the story
came….only to be let down. I screamed “Goddammit! That’s not how it ends!” BLARGH! I
find myself screaming that a lot when I watch adapted Stephen King works.

I dug around, after this incidient, to see what other little shorts got adapted and ran across a rumor of a J. J. Abrams Dark Tower series of movies. Why you gotta fuck with things I like? The track record for King->Hollywood creations is not good. Not good at all. It seems to all fall apart around 1984, with few bright spots since.

I know! Let’s make a list of how many adaptations I’ve seen and why they are so horrible/awesome:

Feature Films:

Apt Pupil: I really can’t comment. It’s a kinda freaky story. I don’t recall liking or disliking it. The movie was so-so. Grade: C-.

Carrie: “They’re all gunna laugh at you!” A must-see for prom season. Grade: A+

Cat’s Eye: I’m not sure if this qualifies. I read the two shorts Quitters, Inc. and The Ledge. Both were good. But the third (well, the whole thing tying it together) was The General. It’s a cat. A cat that looks like ny first cat. That cat and The General kick ass. I would watch this every chance I could when I was younger. Grade: B-. It only had 3 stories.

Children of the Corn (1984): I now fear the midwest. Thanks! Grade: B.

Creepshow: Not Applicable. He wrote it as a screenplay. But it was good, Hollywood
could have still fucked it up, so Grade: A. would have been an A+, but points got
deducted because I hate roaches. Fuck roaches.

Creepshow 2: Creepshow had 5 stories. C2 had 3. The Raft was sufficiently creepy. This
might be the reason why I do not like to swim in natural bodies of water. The
Hitchhiker was all about bad thing jumping out at you. Old Chief Wood’nhead…no idea.
I’m sure it’s about a wooden indian statue that comes to life and fucks up some punks.
That’s not that scary. Grade: C.

The Dark Half: At the time, I thought it was a pretty good adaptation. They mucked with
the ending a bit, but not horrible. Grade: C.

Dolores Claiborne: I dunno. I just didn’t get the same feeling of desperation from
watching it as I did reading it. I guess, as adaptations go, it was okay. Grade: B-.

Dreamcatcher: As my friends called it “Adventures of Superturd.” Grade: F. Even with
Morgan Freeman.

Graveyard Shift: ehhh. Slow moving. Kinda sucked. Book was way creepier. Grade: C.

Green Mile: Awww. There was no scary in this. None. but it was a nice Tom Hanks movie
with a little King weirdness thrown in. Grade: B.

Hearts In Atlantis: How…What..I…I felt so betrayed. Grade: Fuck you very much, F.

Lawnmower Man: There is no Lawnmower Man movie.

Maximum Overdrive: Great! Possessed trucks, Emilio Estevez, shit blew up? Sure! Grade: B.

Misery: I got the same “she’s one crazy bitch!” feeling from the movie as I did the
book. Grade: A.

Needful Things: OH. DEAR. GOD. 2 hours from 731 pages. So much plot was left out, I
don’t even klnow why they made it. “Hey, I got shit you need and it’ll make you go
crazy!” “Thanks, Max von Sydow. Sorry you had to be in this abomination!” I rented this
long ago and far away when video tapes were the norm. It was late, I wanted a good
horror movie. I almost cried it was so bad. Grade: F. Such an “F” you’ve never seen. No
amount of extra credit can bring this up to a D-.

Pet Sematary: Killer toddler was sufficiently creepy. Grade: B-.

‘Salem’s Lot 1979 and 2004: Hated it. But I was not terribly fond of the book either. I much preferred the short story as opposed to the novel. Maybe I’m just not afraid of vampires anymore. Don’t invite them in, don’t go out at night, wear/eat garlic. Like keeping a mogwai; don’t be stupid. Grade: “Stayed close to the book” C.

Shawshank Redemption: YAY! I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Over and over and over (USA and TNT might was well have been called The Shawshank Channel). I think my only  complaint was “Red was supposed to be white.” Big deal. Grade: A.

Kubrick’s The Shining: Beautiful. I was more afraid of this than of the book. I still have a slight distrust of Jack Nicholson and an urge to smack Shelley Duval in the mouth because of this movie. Grade: “We don’t need no stinkin’ topiaries coming to life” A+.

Thinner: I saw this in the theater. I remember thinking it stayed pretty true. The makeup and effects to make the guy look like he was wasting away was creppy in it’s own right. Grade: C.

Made For TV:

Okay, all of these movies suffer from the same problem. They look and feel stale. I don’t know what it is about these productions, but they just don’t feel right. And that is really distracting.

Desperation: No. Not horrible, but..it’s just so much more intense in my head. Grade: D.

IT: Okay. After finally reading it long after the movie came out, I can see why it’s so different. Much turtle and beam talk, and a very disturbing ending. Clowns get added to my fear/hate list. Grade: C+, because of a) Tim Curry and b) you just can’t film the book ending and not end up like Roman Polanski.

The Langoliers: Suffers from “made for tv” syndrome and “Look, we have a budget for CGI! In the 90’s!”. Grade: C-

The Shining: Ehhhh. Faithful to the book. Steven Weber does a good crazy. Just…nothing can compare to Kubrick. Sorry. Grade: “I tried for a happy ending again” B.

The Stand: Already covered. Grade: B-. The casting bumps up the grade “My life for yooooouuuuuu…”

The Tommyknockers: Night and fucking day. Again, Suffers from “made for tv” syndrome. Grade: D. And it gets as high as a D because I like Jimmy Smits.

Watched but didn’t read:

Silver Bullet (Werewolves: again, not scary)

Read but did not watch:

1408
Secret Window
The Body (Stand By Me)
The Night Flier
Riding The Bullet
Trucks
Sometimes They Come Back

Must watch/read again because I really don’t remember:

Christine
Firestarter

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