Category: house


Older Houses Fucking Suck

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on Older Houses Fucking Suck
July 29, 2010

My house was built in 1977. A lot of shit goes wrong/gets old in 33 years.

  1. The sewage/drainage pipe is cast iron. What this means: NO DRANO. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DUMP DRANO DOWN THE DRAIN FOR A CLOG. *Ahem* It could be worse. I could have a pipe made of tar paper. that’s it, just thick layers of tar paper that will eventually compress and restrict the flow of sewage from your house.
  2. The water supply pipes (under the sink and behind the toilet) are possibly copper. What this means: simple renovations can be a bitch. Want to resue the fixture but replace the sink? Good luck. Pray you don’t bend the pipe or…fuck it, just use flexible supply lines like every one else.
  3. The gas line running to the hot water heater was up to specifications in 1977. What this means: It’s not up to spec in 2010. Some plumbers will refuse to touch your water heater if it breaks. Some will claim you’re grandfathered in. Welp. It’s been about 5 years since the water heater was replaced. We’re not dead yet.
  4. The house came with a “new” above the range microwave. What this means: the microwave was made in 1986. That’s technically newer than 1977. It also means that there is no extra counter space in the kitchen. Why would you need it? The microwave takes up no room! Oh, by the way, a replacement is about $200.
  5. The ceilings have acoustical popcorn sprayed on it! What this means: It’s full of asbestos. You can get it removed for cheap by people who won’t seal off the house properly (we’re talking full Andromeda Strain sealing off) or you can pay out the ass. That popcorn starts to look just fine, don’t it? Gives it a nice old school charm…
  6. Water supply lines might possibly have been run through the foundation. What this means: If your foundation shifts significantly, you spring a leak and *whoosh* suddenly people are CUTTING OPEN YOUR FLOORS and you’re applying for a second mortgage and turning tricks if your insurance doesn’t cover it.
  7. The wall my TV is on has two outlet panels: one for a tv and one for a lamp on one pair of sockets and a place for your hi-fi with a socket to spare on the other! What this means: Powerstrips. Lots of them. Don’t fuck around with 6 outlet strips. I use 2 11 port (or so) strips on one side and an 8 port on the other.
  8. In the dining room, I have this lovely almost bay window and in the master bedroom, one of the walls is sort of inset by a foot and a half or so, perfect for a bed. What this means: To get these charming features, something different needed to be done with the framing. And that something different means that you can’t drill into that adorable overhang over the bed nor can you drill into the space directly above that quaint bay window. I’ve tried.
  9. Trees. Established trees. What this means: Old trees have deep established roots. So established that they will seek out and destroy your foundation and your sewage line. They also get old and die necessitating their removal or falling on the house…necessitating it’s rebuilding.
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GARDEN!

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on GARDEN!
June 10, 2010

We started 3 square foot gardens: one 4×4 for veggies, one 2×8 for sunflowers and another 2×8 for strawberries. Well. That’s what was supposed to happen. Oh, we have the 4×4 veggies and the 2×8 sunflowers. The berries and mint? er, no. I made the mistake of buying strawberry plants from Home Depot. The kind in a bag. There was one viable plant out of 20. Fuck. That. Then someone’s cat kept digging in the damn box and killed anything trying to sprout until I sprayed cat repellent. Ugh. So, there is now one strawberry plant, two mint plants (bought from Red Barn Nursery), an onion plant, dill, and…um…other stuff I can’t remember. Oh there’s markers. written with Sharpie…on wood. *sigh* I am not real bright sometimes. I attempted to plant something called Butterfly Weed in an attempt to attract butterflies. It never sprouted. 🙁

Anyway, moving on….in the sunflower box, we have 2 types: Bashful and Teddy Bear.

[singlepic id=23 w=320 h=240 float=left]  [singlepic id=39 w=320 h=240 float=left]

Now. The packet said that the teddies would get to be about 2 feet tall. No prob. The Bashfuls maybe 3 feet. Oh how they lie.

The veggie box…I have harvest green beans twice now. They taste great. The lettuce is tall and strong and ready for eating once I figure out how to harvest it. The herbs are looking pretty nice. The broccoli got eaten by insects before I even realized it sprouted. Fuck. The cucumbers….have you ever been afraid of a plant? I went out to find that these guys had crawled (?) over to strangle the marigolds and beat out my beans. The hell? It also found it’s way out of the cage that @aelerelean built. Out of it. Yes. It found the 2 inch gap between the lid and the wall. I have cut it down 5 times. This morning it was a good 5 inches outside the gap. *sigh*

Here’s the gallery of plants:

[nggallery id=3]

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–Packrat (or Packrat=packrat -1; )

Filed Under: house by topenga — 2 Comments
May 2, 2010

I spent about 4 hours studying for my final on Wednesday night. Go me. As a reward, I decided to clean out the livingroom closet. Actually, I was looking for something in there but it’s so clutter with…crap….that I just said “fuck it, I’ll clean it out. And pick up those poker chips that spilled over a year ago. What did I find?

  • (1) One PSX, modchipped (for you young ‘uns it’s what they now call a PSOne but the first design not the slimmer second run)
  • (2) Two DDR dance pads
  • (1) audio cassette rack containing somewhere between 80-90 cassettes (again, for you young people, audio cassettes were used to listen and record music on, using a thing called a tape recorder. If you were lucky, it help a whole 90 minutes of music. And they are a bit smaller that an ipod touch. Wacky, I know.)
  • (2) kites
  • (1) box of 12 wine glasses. I’m the only one who drinks in this house.
  • (1) HP Media Receiver, still in the box.
  • (1) box of about 750ft. of Cat6 leftover from that cabling adventure
  • A lot of poker chips
  • The tin box where the poker chips came from
  • (1) box of shitty curtains from my apartment I moved out of 7 years ago
  • Board games. Jesus fuck, the board games
  • (5) FIVE GODDAMN PURSES
  • (3) Three Laptop bags/backpacks
  • (1) One soft sided cooler
  • (1) One soft sided cooler/backpack thing? Hell if I know.
  • (1) One laptop
  • A BUNCH OF SHIT THAT HASN’T SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY SINCE 2003.

So, yeah. Some of this crap is headed for charity. Some of it, the dumpster.

It was a productive Sunday.

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Motherfucking Bees Pt. 2

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on Motherfucking Bees Pt. 2
July 30, 2009

I came home yesterday and went out back to water my yard a little. As I was talking with TR and @aelerelean, I mentioned the bee swarm on the back fence.  They’d been there over two weeks by this point. I said “oh, they’re not aggressive because they haven’t found a home. There’s nothing to protect.” @aelerelean went to check them out. Yeah. They have indeed established a colony. On my fence. The part of the fence that gets full sun all day long. “oh no” the internet said “they’ll stay 4 days at most. They like spaces that can be protected and temperature controlled!” How very, very wrong the internetwebtubes were. This is a spot just under the pitiful shade of a vine (seriously, the leaves are maybe 2 inches long), on a chain link fence, completely unprotected. No nooks. No crannies. The reason why this vine flourishes in the summer is because it likes…DIRECT GODDAMN SUN. So how is this beneficial to bees?  I know not. @aelerelean believes that these are lazy bees. When they swarmed, the vine had blooms. Easy food source? Perhaps. The blooms are gone.  Seriously, I thought bees were smarter than this. Hell, I should have been smarter than this to believe a homeless swarm would just chill for over two weeks.

For comparison:

Here’s the swarm on the 15th: [nggtags gallery=swarm]
Here’s the hive: [nggtags gallery=hive]

As you can see, there’s wax now. Wax. Meaning it’s a full blown frigging hive. ARGH! Now I gotta pay for someone to take them alive. It seems that no beekeepers want unknown wild bees in the Texas area. I blame killer bees. 🙁

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New Neighbors

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on New Neighbors
July 15, 2009


BEES

I have new neighbors. Hundreds of them. Yes. That clump of brown is a swarm of FUCKING BEES. OH GOD!!! I have been told that fire, fire is the only thing that will expunge the horridness of this insect we call a bee. But I can’t do that to the poor devils. It’s a swarm of honeybees. Non Africanized. They’re just homeless little buggers looking for a place to set up shop , make more bees, and make delicious honey. If I weren’t so afraid of them, I’d set up a hive myself. But seriously. They’re bees. Fuck that. They need to go. They’ve been there since Sunday. Everything I read on the Interwebtubes say that they can stay 15 minutes or overnight. It’s Wednesday. Day 4 of the bees. The scouts are supposed to go out and find a spot for a new colony. They have failed. Some enterprising young/old beekeeper can come along and give them a home. This would be optimal. Either that or their queen is dead/injured. This would be bad and sub-optimal. No queen, no colony. Swarm dies. 🙁

I sent an email to a guy who says he removes swarms for free (yay!). We’ll see how that goes. In the meantime, I keep peeking out the back door, hoping they’ve legged it.

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Done. No really.

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on Done. No really.
June 3, 2009

We’re finally done. I finished caulking yesterday (three more tubes needed. wow) and got the furniture moved back in. Ahhhhh. None of my furniture was as heavy as boxes of tile. Really. Futon? Pshhh. Couch? Just awkward. The TV is louder and so lovely. I have missed my TV. And the consoles. I missed you too guys. Never shall we be parted that long again.

Now to repopulate the living room with all the crap we should have thrown away in the first place.

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My house is not as much of a shithole: An Update

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on My house is not as much of a shithole: An Update
June 1, 2009

I have made changes to my house and property, etc! So, it’s getting better!

  1. The hailstorm almost two months ago fucked my roof and patio roof (big holes). UPDATE: Got an estimate. Work starts in about 4 weeks. New roof and a brand new patio cover! Wood and shingles!
  2. My siding is old and starting to really look it.
  3. Same for the wood trim
  4. One of the trees in the backyard is dead. Deader than fuck. And full of carpenter ants. UPDATE: Ants killed. Dead tree removed! So much more sun. 🙁
  5. The trees adjacent to them have big dead branches quite possibly from whatever killed tree number one. UPDATE: Turned out to be either a) a fungus or b) “It was it’s time to die. I don’t know. But both tree people agreed I have a fungus on one of the remaining trees. They were all trimmed and fertilized. I resolve to take better care of my poor trees.
  6. I haven’t mowed in weeks. UPDATE: I mowed. Now I need to do it again.
  7. I haven’t edged since last year. UPDATE: I edged. I’m good for a little while.
  8. My carpet is old, filthy, and nothing will revive it. UPDATE: TILED LIVINGROOM! WHOOHOO!
  9. Bright yellow countertops.
  10. The hole I put through the ceiling in the garage-gameroom 5 years ago is still covered by some random wood.

YAY! Progress!

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The day after that….

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on The day after that….
June 1, 2009

We finished laying ALL the tiles, walkway accent included, by 8pm Wednesday night.

[nggtags gallery=day3]

Then grouted Thursday.

[nggtags gallery=day4]

Friday we said “fuck it” and went to Fry’s, then to Rug Decor to find an area rug. They have great rugs! I just didn’t want to spend that much. 🙁 Looks like it’s back to Lowes for me.

Saturday we cleaned. I am soooo tired of walking around on grit.

Sunday I sealed the grout and the slate:

[nggtags gallery=day5]

I also bought a new vacuum because i think I killed my last one. My mom gave it to me when I moved out. in 2001. It was old then. but still did the job. I now have a brand spankin’ new Eureka Smart Boss. I started by vacuuming the other area rug. A pen was about 9 inches away. The force of the suction PULLED THE PEN TOWARDS IT. Hot damn!

It is now Monday. I am still not done. I now have to use caulk around the edges (where the tile meets the wall/step). This is supposed to aid in keeping the tile from breaking when the house settles. I bought one tube. I’m an idiot. I still have 3 sides of the room to do. Erg. Tomorrow it’s off to Home Depot for more. Because I am an idiot who can’t think ahead.

What I learned:

  • If you have never tiled before, don’t fucking start with 20″ tiles in a big ass living room. Although, if you’re gonna do something, go big or go home.
  • 20 boxes of 20″ tile are HEAVY.
  • One 20″ tile is HEAVY. But only on day 1. Then next few days, you’ll be tossing them around like dolls.
  • Don’t let the person who can’t draw a straight line with a ruler cut the damn tile. Seriously. If you come over, don’t look too closely.
  • Your walls are not straight. None of them are. A 3/16″ grout line WILL turn into a 1/2″ or MORE.
  • Cordless drills cannot mix thinset.
  • 8 year old poorly treated corded drills will throw smoke and still not mix the thinset.
  • Screw kneepads.
  • Screw sunken living rooms.
  • Bags of thinset weigh 50 lbs. Each. You need 6 for a 236 sqft room. That’s 300 pounds. From the floor of Home Depot to the basket, from the basket to the car, from the car to the house, from wherever the hell you put it in the house to outside.
  • Bags of sanded grout weight 25 lbs. Each. You need 2 for the same 236 sqft room (stupid sunken living room). That’s 50 pounds. You know the drill.
  • One tube of caulk is not enough. Because I’m retarded.
  • If your hand is swollen on day 1 (carpet removal was actually day 0 and what caused my pain) and you power through it, you will pay. All week, and the week after. Heat helps.
  • When you pull up the nails from the tack strips (nasty, rotten things) you will pull up concrete. Those same nails will break their heads. Because they are rusted and over 30 years old. Beat them until they break. Very cathartic.
  • Aleve, aspirin, Vicodin: do whatever you gotta do because you WILL be sore.
  • STAY HYDRATED! Best advice I was ever given. The first day of real tiling, I went through 8 bottles of Gatorade. I do not care for Gatorade.

It is now the next week. I cannot bend over completely without my legs screaming, my back is still stiff, my hand still hurts. But my livingroom is about 10 degrees cooler and all echo-y.

So there you have it. Our tiling adventure.Will I do it again? Probably. I still have 7 boxes of tile and an entryway to do. Fuck.

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The next day…

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on The next day…
June 1, 2009

I learned to use a wet tile saw! And not the one I borrowed (unfortunately). The one we borrowed needed some special tool to get the blade off. We didn;t have that tool. Tico needed to go to Lowes to replace the cheap ass scraper I had bought (bad me) so I tagged along and bought a saw. $88. Great! Folks, there’s a reason this saw is $88. It looks like it should have had Playskool or Fisher-Price written on it. The assembly instructions sucked ass and the bottom was made of plastic. But it cut a full day’s worth of tile. Seriously. I was still cutting at 6 or 7 Tuesday night. Anyway, Tico (hopped up on Vicodin and Aleve) measured tile, I cut tile, all was good. We laid the tiles out then began cementing into place. Didn’t finish but got a lot done.

No images.

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“Staycation” (yecch) Day 1

Filed Under: house by topenga — Comments Off on “Staycation” (yecch) Day 1
May 25, 2009

It is 11:34pm. We have been working since noon with one break around 6 for something that resembled dinner. I wished for my feet to fall off.

We got the “field” tiles laid. These are the bulk of the floor and required no cuts. At the last minute I decided to lay the straight shot of accent tile (6″x3″ slate). I could do this sitting down. Which was great. Went through about 80 tiles. I think I destroyed a recycling bin. It is not meant to hold a hefty human. So now we go to bed and sleep the sleep of the exhausted. Tomorrow I get to learn how to use a wet tile saw.

Pictures tomorrow. If I haven’t died.

Edit: so my pictures are late. Whatever.

[nggtags gallery=day2]

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