In a fit of “I don’t know what I want to listen to”, I decided to listen to the Harry Potter audio book series again (Stephen Fry version, thank you very much). And every time I listen to it, I have questions. Questions that NO ONE asks. Because they’re smart. And don’t spend stupid amounts of time thinking of these things.
Constant peril:
- In every book, Harry and friends get into life threatening situations. My first thought was “WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU CONTINUE TO SEND YOUR CHILD TO A PLACE WHERE THEY COULD DIE HORRIBLY??” I mean goddamn! It’s. SCHOOL. You don’t expect your kid to snuff it at a moment’s notice when they’re IN SCHOOL of all places. And this relaxed attitude about it. “Oh, Cedric bit it? Shit. Welp, see you next term!” Really? What the hell is that?? My kid dies on school property, I wouldn’t stop suing until I was dead in the ground.
The Weasleys:
- These people have how many kids? 7? And they’re one of the most prominent wizarding families? But somehow there’s no hardship scholarship? Come on, now!
Hogwarts/other schools:
- Can we get some central heat and AC for these kids? The hell?
Tech:
- The ministry can detect what spell was cast, the precise time, the precise place, can send you a letter mere minutes after the fact, but it can’t tell who cast the fucking spell? Brilliant. That’s government for you.
- And what the hell? No phones, no lights, no motor cars (well, there was talk of cars later), no internet (again, to be fair, Harry started Hogwarts in 1991), no cell phones (again, 1991), no TV, no movies, and no one seems to read for pleasure. What the hell do these people do for leisure? The closest thing I remember is Mrs. Weasley listening to a Christmas program on the radio. THE RADIO.
- Owls. Really? This is the fastest means of communications when you have no fireplace? You can make a mirror that shows your deepest desires and a room that appears when you need it, but you can’t make a goddamn phone? I’m not even talking cell phones. Just a plain old Alexander Graham Bell style phone. What would Harry’s life had been like if someone coulda called Lily and James with a “Peter sold you out, yo. Beat feet.”
- Quills and parchment? So Hermione’s homework wouldn’t be valid if she wrote it in a Mead spiral with a ball point pen? Them shit’s cheap, quills and parchment ain’t.
- @aelerelean brought up the idea that even though Mr. Weasley works with Muggle artifacts and collects them, he is completely flummoxed by phones and electricity. I countered that the wizarding world didn’t see a need to develop that kind of tech. Also, pointing out that Arthur works in the department (and is an “expert” at Muggle tech) is like pointing out that Mulder was head of the X-Files department. Frankly, no one else wanted. This leads back to that lack of recreational reading. He could get his ass to a Muggle library and read a goddamn book about phones, electricity, ANYTHING.
I know I’ll have more to add. I only restarted Chamber of Secrets around noon today.
