Oh god.

So, I found a recipe for malt flavored ice cream. I like malts. Malt sounds delightful. They even recommend swilring in dulce de leche. AWESOME!

No.

I made the batch of malt base and did this odd sous-vide to cook the custard which worked pretty well for not having the “real” equipment (A freezer bag and a pot of hot water worked fine). I turned half the batch as is and the other half with dulce de leche. The recipe says to use sweetened condensed milk to really give it that store bought feel if you can’t get a hold of Cremodan. Great! But now I have this half can of sweetened condensed milk. WHat should I do with it? Make my own dulce de leche!

No. Do not want. Don’t ever try.

This…substance does not swirl. In fact it sets up like fucking concrete. No worries, say I. I’ll nuke it a bit then swirl it in. Nope. chunks of milky sweet boulders. Then I saw that I had some cajeta I bought at the farmer’s market. Surely this will…no. Not at all. *sigh* It’s all still tasty but just an utter pain in the hole.

Next up, avocado!

I used Alton Brown’s recipe and used whole milk from a local dairy. This was gonna be great! I mix it up and it is damned tasty. I stick it in the fridge…and forgot about it for about 5 days. No problem right.

Oh you would be wrong. So very wrong. The milk went sour or something. It…ugh. It was bad. I almost cried. So, I tried again that weekend. With not so awesome milk and a different recipe that called for coconut milk to make it really rich. Why, why did I change the recipe. This one was not as good but I turned it anyway and it’s still…not so good. Dammit. Now, maybe a scoop of this plus a scoop of candy and malt might be good.

Now, raspberry sorbet.

You know what? I’m just not even gonna go into details. If you have a known-good recipe, just follow it. Don’t try to wing it based on memory.